A Guide to U.S. Newspapers

Brutuskend

Lifer
Apr 2, 2001
26,558
4
0
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
 

jadinolf

Lifer
Oct 12, 1999
20,952
3
81
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.

Sooooooo true
 

Heisenberg

Lifer
Dec 21, 2001
10,621
1
0
Originally posted by: jadinolf
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.

Sooooooo true
Indeed.
 

nageov3t

Lifer
Feb 18, 2004
42,808
83
91
haha.

since I the age of 13, the only paper I've read has been the New York Times <3 the Jesuit priests indoctrinated us by providing a free M-F subscription to the NYT for any student that wanted it.

maybe I should switch over to the Wall Street Journal... I just don't find the quality of writing to be as good as the NYT, though.
 

11. The Rockford Register Star is read by people obsessed with Cheap Trick and Sock Monkeys
 

SinNisTeR

Diamond Member
Jan 3, 2001
3,570
0
0
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.

so true, ohh so true. :D
 

Zim Hosein

Super Moderator | Elite Member
Super Moderator
Nov 27, 1999
65,081
397
126
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

Haha! :D

Cheers Brutuskend :beer:
 

Aimster

Lifer
Jan 5, 2003
16,129
2
0
Originally posted by: Zim Hosein
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

Haha! :D

Cheers Brutuskend :beer:

heyyy man you never sleeeep
 

Zim Hosein

Super Moderator | Elite Member
Super Moderator
Nov 27, 1999
65,081
397
126
Originally posted by: Aimster
Originally posted by: Zim Hosein
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

Haha! :D

Cheers Brutuskend :beer:

heyyy man you never sleeeep

I'm unemployed at the moment! :)

Cheers Aimster :beer: