- Feb 13, 2003
- 13,295
- 122
- 106
My name is Norm, and I am Canadian ...
I am a minority in Oakville , Toronto , and every casino in this country.
I was born in 1965, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS
PEOPLE BEING SCREWED OUT OF THEIR LAND IN the 1700's.
I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario .
I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.
All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes.
I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant.
These same people cannot name this country's new territory.
Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't
have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a
nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.
Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec
still provides my nation's prime ministers.
95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.
I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure
none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.
I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.
I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.
Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather
gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I
don't register it.
My fellow countrymen often badmouth the United States and then
vacation there three times a year.
I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the
rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or
recognize the English language.
I'm led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who
makes $30 an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but paying
$10 an hour to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below on an
oil rig is fair.
I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes
(The Voice of Firepainting in Ottawa )
by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, Even
though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.
When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of
what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care
than the Americans."
I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry
because I control the rain.
My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I
don't know either of them.
Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America , the biggest
Military buffer for the United States , and the number one destination
for fleeing terrorists.
I am not an angry white male.
I am an angry taxpayer who is fvckng broke.
My name is Norm, and I am Canadian
I am a minority in Oakville , Toronto , and every casino in this country.
I was born in 1965, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS
PEOPLE BEING SCREWED OUT OF THEIR LAND IN the 1700's.
I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario .
I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.
All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes.
I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant.
These same people cannot name this country's new territory.
Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't
have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a
nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.
Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec
still provides my nation's prime ministers.
95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.
I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure
none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.
I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.
I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.
Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather
gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I
don't register it.
My fellow countrymen often badmouth the United States and then
vacation there three times a year.
I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the
rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or
recognize the English language.
I'm led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who
makes $30 an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but paying
$10 an hour to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below on an
oil rig is fair.
I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes
(The Voice of Firepainting in Ottawa )
by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, Even
though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.
When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of
what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care
than the Americans."
I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry
because I control the rain.
My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I
don't know either of them.
Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America , the biggest
Military buffer for the United States , and the number one destination
for fleeing terrorists.
I am not an angry white male.
I am an angry taxpayer who is fvckng broke.
My name is Norm, and I am Canadian
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