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A funny thing happened to me at Subway

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You know on those fishing shows how they catch the fish and then put it back? they dont want to eat them, they just want to make them late for something.
 
RIP
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Best Mitch Hedberg EVER:

I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again." Apparently I was in a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. "C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
 
Originally posted by: preslove
On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where'd you get that banana?
Click to expand...

I knew I heard OP's story before. it sounded suspiciously like something Mitch would've said.
 
I was in a casino, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move. You're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you're a table.
 
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