A few quotes for the Pilots out there...

[Brutuskend]

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.
- Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel

The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, "Damn it!"
The first officer says, "I have an idea!"
The captain say, "Hey, watch this!"
- anonymous

Arguing with a pilot is like wrestling with a pig in the mud; after a while you begin to think the pig likes it.
- Seen on a General Dynamics bulletin board

"In the Alaska bush I'd rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa."
- Kurt Wien

Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old?
- Anonymous

"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute."
- George Bernard Shaw

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."
- Mark Russell

When asked why he was referred to as 'Ace': "Because during World War Two, I was responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy."
- Captain Ray Lancaster, USAAF.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins?
- Anonymous

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.
- Anonymous

Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet air intakes.
- Anonymous

"I never liked riding in helicopters because there's a fair probability that the bottom part will get going around as fast as the top part."
- Lt. Col. John Wittenborn, USAFR.

"When it comes to testing new aircraft or determining maximum performance, pilots like to talk about "pushing the envelope." They're talking about a two dimensional model: the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left is zero speed; the top is max altitude; and the right, maximum velocity, of course. So, the pilots are pushing that upper-right-hand corner of the envelope. What everybody tries not to dwell on is that that's where the postage gets canceled, too."
- Admiral Rick Hunter, U.S. Navy.

"It only takes five years to go from rumor to standard operating procedure."
- Dick Markgraf

"Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers & helicopters -- in that order -- need two."
- Paul Slattery

"I've flown every seat on this airplane, can someone tell me why the other two are always occupied by idiots?"
- Don Taylor

 

[Kalvin00]

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."

:laugh:

 

[Sluggo]

A few more that I got through e-mail.

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! (Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena, Japan.)

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

From an old carrier sailor - Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh Sh!t!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down. (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron operations desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970.)

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but someone who's been there)

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.

 

[Wingznut]

Good stuff, guys!

 

[notfred]

I like these:

Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old?
- Anonymous

Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.