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A coworker's premature baby died this weekend.

NuclearNed

NuclearNed

Raconteur
One of my coworkers had a baby born 3 months premature this past week. At first, the baby seemed to be doing really well. This morning when I first came in, someone told me the bad news. The baby only lived somewhere between 4-6 days.

I haven't ever known anyone who had this happen to them, so I have a question or two - they might sound pretty stupid, but I'm truly at a loss for how to respond.

In cases like this, is there usually a funeral?
Do you typically send a sympathy card to the parents? (stupid question, I know)

I don't know this coworker real well, but I just want him to know that he and his family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
THey ususally do have a small funeral/memorial. A card would be very appropriate and thoughtful.

That is so sad. 🙁
I cannot imagine having to go through that.
 
My wife miscarried our first pregnancy a few weeks after we found out she was pregnant. THAT was very difficult for us to handle... I can't possibly imagine what that family is going through. You get attached to your child the moment you know it's there, and that attachment doubles with the passing of every day.

Everyone is different, but my wife and I really didn't want people making a big deal about. My wife said she got a lot of "I'm so sorry" looks at work, and she HATED it. Neither one of us wanted the attention. It was one of those things that hurts so deep that we really weren't capable of sharing it with anyone but each other.

Of course, our scenario pales in comparison to this one, so it might be entirely different.... just offering another perspective.
 
Respond to the way the guy acts. If he's talkative about it and seems to appreciate the cards then get him a card. If he's very quiet then just leave him alone.

 
Originally posted by: DougK62
Respond to the way the guy acts. If he's talkative about it and seems to appreciate the cards then get him a card. If he's very quiet then just leave him alone.
Click to expand...

The simplest approach is often the best :thumbsup: .
 
i'm not gonna make a joke but let's say a card regarding to the death of a premature baby isn't exactly the smartest nor kindest thing in the world. don't do cards.
 
My wife's cousin had her premature baby die. There was a funeral. It was horrible, especially since they had another young boy that was expecting to have a baby sister.
 
Sounds like there may be a few people at your office and, chances are there are others in the same position as you (not knowing him too well and not knowing what to do).

I would get a sympathy card and pass it around the office. The poor guy will probably appreciate the outpouring of support from people he does not know all that well.

MotionMan
 
ughh.... I would hate getting a card about it... moreso from someone I barely know.

Not to be a dick, but it's like saying "We carried a baby for 6 months and all we got was this lousy card."

 
Originally posted by: Injury
ughh.... I would hate getting a card about it... moreso from someone I barely know.

Not to be a dick, but it's like saying "We carried a baby for 6 months and all we got was this lousy card."
Click to expand...
What would you like to receive instead? A cake? Cookies? WTF else should non-family coworkers do? Anyone who finds a sympathic card insulting deserves to die as well, what is this world coming to?
 
Originally posted by: Injury
ughh.... I would hate getting a card about it... moreso from someone I barely know.

Not to be a dick, but it's like saying "We carried a baby for 6 months and all we got was this lousy card."
Click to expand...

Much better to feel like your co-workers could care less about your loss? I disagree.

MotionMan
 
Originally posted by: BrokenVisage
Originally posted by: Injury
ughh.... I would hate getting a card about it... moreso from someone I barely know.

Not to be a dick, but it's like saying "We carried a baby for 6 months and all we got was this lousy card."
Click to expand...
What would you like to receive instead? A cake? Cookies? WTF else should non-family coworkers do? Anyone who finds a sympathic card insulting deserves to die as well, what is this world coming to?
Click to expand...


I thought the idea was to do what is best to comfort the bereaved -- I guess in your world going all Hallmark no matter the situation will make you feel quite special. Personally, I would exercise a little more caution as it may do more harm than good in this instance. I don't think I would want people I barely know sending cards if this were to happen to us.
 
rose.gif
 
Next time you send the co worker a work-related email, you could format it so the first letter of each line spells out
S
O
R
R
Y
F
O
R
Y
O
U
R
L
O
S
S
 
My son was born 8 weeks early. We were worried to death but counted our blessings as we were sitting in the NICU and saw babies that were premature by many weeks more. One poor little guy had spent almost as much time in the NICU as he did in the womb and was still there when our son left 3 weeks later.
 
There will probably be an office card and flowers, you could contribute to that. That way, the parents won't be getting a ton of cards from people they don't know. A group card and flowers are easier to send thanks for later, and will mean just as much if not more to the parents.

Also, check for the obituary as they may specify that they would prefer donations to a charity rather than flowers for the service.

 
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