A husband & wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded & only the wife & her 8 children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband & the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick
of the blind man & says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!"
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus, so shut the fvck up!!"
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What happens when you call an 800 number collect?
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
Why are builders afraid to have a thirteenth floor but book publishers aren t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
Sooner or later, doesn't everyone stop smoking?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
How can the weather be "hot as hell" one day and "cold as hell" another?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only get one?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbit's foot?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
Would a part-time bandleader be considered a semi-conductor?
Can someone be a closet claustrophobic?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
If you ate pasta and antipasta at the same time, would you still be hungry?
How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Why do most countries have only one Monopolies Commission?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made from?
What could porn actors possibly do for fun during their time off?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
A woman's husband dies. He had $20,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is no money left.
The friend says, "How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?"
The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $2,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."
The friend says, "$12,000 for the memorial stone? My God, how big was it?"
The widow says, "Three carats."
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick
of the blind man & says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!"
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus, so shut the fvck up!!"
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What happens when you call an 800 number collect?
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
Why are builders afraid to have a thirteenth floor but book publishers aren t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
Sooner or later, doesn't everyone stop smoking?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
How can the weather be "hot as hell" one day and "cold as hell" another?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only get one?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbit's foot?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
Would a part-time bandleader be considered a semi-conductor?
Can someone be a closet claustrophobic?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
If you ate pasta and antipasta at the same time, would you still be hungry?
How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Why do most countries have only one Monopolies Commission?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made from?
What could porn actors possibly do for fun during their time off?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
A woman's husband dies. He had $20,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is no money left.
The friend says, "How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?"
The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $2,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."
The friend says, "$12,000 for the memorial stone? My God, how big was it?"
The widow says, "Three carats."
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