QUOTES of the DAY
The Two Pillars of Wisdom are:
There is a God.
You ain't Him.
"The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity" -- Albert Einstein
"To do, is to be." - Socrates
"To be, is to do." - Aristotole
"Do be do be do." - Sinatra
What do you get when you cross a Pit Bull and a Collie?
A dog that rips your arm off and then goes for help.
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RISE N' SHINE
Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning.
"I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog."
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LEMON PICKING
A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. "Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons?" he asked.
"Well, I think I do." she replied. "I've been divorced three times."
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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah"
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
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So what if your new boyfriend used to be a priest. You used to be a virgin.
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I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
The Two Pillars of Wisdom are:
There is a God.
You ain't Him.
"The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity" -- Albert Einstein
"To do, is to be." - Socrates
"To be, is to do." - Aristotole
"Do be do be do." - Sinatra
What do you get when you cross a Pit Bull and a Collie?
A dog that rips your arm off and then goes for help.
-------------------------------------------
RISE N' SHINE
Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning.
"I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog."
-----------------------------------------
LEMON PICKING
A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. "Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons?" he asked.
"Well, I think I do." she replied. "I've been divorced three times."
------------------------------------------
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah"
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
----------------------------------------------
So what if your new boyfriend used to be a priest. You used to be a virgin.
----------------------------------------------
I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
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