TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place on December 23,
starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's
Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of
eggnog!
We'll have a small band playing traditional
carols...feel free to sing along. And, don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00
to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! A special
announcement will be made by our CEO at that
time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that
Chanukah is an important holiday which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately
not this year. However, from now on we're calling
it our "Holiday Party."
The same policy applies to employees who are
celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be
no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment.
Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking
table ....You didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on
a table that reads, "AA Only" you wouldn't be
anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts
exchange are allowed since the union members feel
that $10.00 is too much money and executives
believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFT
EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
I've arranged for members of
Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the
dessert buffet. Pregnant women will get the table
closest to the restrooms. Gay people are allowed to sit
with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
Gay men, each will have their own table. To the
person asking permission to cross dress, no cross
dressing allowed, though.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a
diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food
thus we suggest for those people with blood
problems to taste first. There will be fresh
fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people!
Nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO
dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of
"Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no
evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock
at Halloween, or family feuds over the
thanksgiving turkey, or broken hearts on
Valentine's Day.
Could we lighten up? Please?????????
Also, the company has changed their mind in
announcing the special announcement at the
gathering. You will get a notification in the
mail, sent to your home.
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #&;$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #*&;^@*^Holiday Party
I have no #&;*@*^ idea what the announcement is all
about. What the #&;^!@ do I care...? I KNOW WHAT I
AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!!
You change your address now and you are
dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will
be allowed in my office. Try to come in and
change your address, I will have you hung from
the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!!
We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open
Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you
can sit quietly at the table furthest from the
"grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and
you'll get your @ #$^&;*! Salad bar. Including
hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have
feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right now!
HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!
&*;+/(#!!!!
The woman from HELL!!!!!!!!
======================================================================
FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources
Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty
Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related
illness and I'll continue to forward your cards
to her at the sanitarium.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon
of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place on December 23,
starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's
Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of
eggnog!
We'll have a small band playing traditional
carols...feel free to sing along. And, don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00
to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! A special
announcement will be made by our CEO at that
time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that
Chanukah is an important holiday which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately
not this year. However, from now on we're calling
it our "Holiday Party."
The same policy applies to employees who are
celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be
no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment.
Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking
table ....You didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on
a table that reads, "AA Only" you wouldn't be
anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts
exchange are allowed since the union members feel
that $10.00 is too much money and executives
believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFT
EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
I've arranged for members of
Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the
dessert buffet. Pregnant women will get the table
closest to the restrooms. Gay people are allowed to sit
with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
Gay men, each will have their own table. To the
person asking permission to cross dress, no cross
dressing allowed, though.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a
diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food
thus we suggest for those people with blood
problems to taste first. There will be fresh
fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people!
Nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO
dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of
"Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no
evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock
at Halloween, or family feuds over the
thanksgiving turkey, or broken hearts on
Valentine's Day.
Could we lighten up? Please?????????
Also, the company has changed their mind in
announcing the special announcement at the
gathering. You will get a notification in the
mail, sent to your home.
Patty
======================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #&;$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #*&;^@*^Holiday Party
I have no #&;*@*^ idea what the announcement is all
about. What the #&;^!@ do I care...? I KNOW WHAT I
AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!!
You change your address now and you are
dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will
be allowed in my office. Try to come in and
change your address, I will have you hung from
the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!!
We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open
Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you
can sit quietly at the table furthest from the
"grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and
you'll get your @ #$^&;*! Salad bar. Including
hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have
feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right now!
HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!
&*;+/(#!!!!
The woman from HELL!!!!!!!!
======================================================================
FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources
Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty
Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related
illness and I'll continue to forward your cards
to her at the sanitarium.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon
of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
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