a bit upset

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
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I know you guys love flaming me (and everyone) for posts like this.

So flame away... (I always say that any then you flame anyway)

But it's late at night here and there's no one I can call... so this is the only thing I could think of... the only people I could talk to.

My long time girlfriend and I just had our biggest ever fight... and it wasn't just a fight... it was bad...

Very few words were actually said, and that's what makes it truly scary. We normally talk about things and work them out, but today she just said she wants some time apart.

You always see movies where there's a 'bad boyfriend', but I've never been that... until I kept trying to call and eventually her roommates basically told me to f off.

We got into an argument over the silliest thing... it's not important... but she won't answer the phone (or rather her roommates won't give it to her because she asked them not to) and her cellphone is off and she's not online in any sense of the word.

As far as I know, we've broken up.

I know it sounds like nothing, people say "I broke up with so and so" and it's no big deal. But ... she's everything to me... and we apparently broke up... and I can't even talk to her, I can't see her, I can't hear her voice... I just know taht she probably wants nothing to do with me.

I've just been sitting here crying and shaking like a baby for an hour, and I really just need someone to say something -- anything -- comforting to me. Anything at all, really, please don't flame me, I know it's pathetic. I wouldn't ask if I wasn't in a desparate state.

All my friends have final exams and it's late at night, I'd really hate to call them even at a time like this. I have a final exam myself tomorrow which I don't even care about studying for right now.

Anyway, please just respond to my post and saying something...
 

RagingBITCH

Lifer
Sep 27, 2003
17,619
2
76
Doesn't sound like a breakup. She just sounds like she needs some space right now - maybe she's just really pissy for some reason. Give it a day or two to blow over, she'll get over it.
 

beatmix01

Golden Member
Jun 22, 2001
1,008
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been there bro

ya gotta do something to keep your mind off of it... cause whatever downtime you are gonna have will just let idea's (usually false ones) manifest in your head only making things worse...

its a game.... if you make it seem like its ok with you what just happened then she will be the one calling you back...


but its not easy.... just do anything to try and stay busy... anything!
 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
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Originally posted by: beatmix01
been there bro ya gotta do something to keep your mind off of it... cause whatever downtime you are gonna have will just let idea's (usually false ones) manifest in your head only making things worse... its a game.... if you make it seem like its ok with you what just happened then she will be the one calling you back... but its not easy.... just do anything to try and stay busy... anything!

You're exactly right... I keep trying to think of something to focus on... I'm not really getting much better here. A little bit, but slowly.

What would you focus on? We practically live together... everything reminds me of her.
 

Winchester

Diamond Member
Jan 21, 2003
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The best thing you can do right now is turn some music (easy listening piano/classical/soundtrack etc.) (this will get your mind on something else, its psychological) on low volume and try and go to sleep. There is nothing you can do tonight. Everyone is most likely stressed right now (that time of year) and anything is liable to piss someone off pretty bad even when it normally would not. Take your finals this week, give everyone time to cool off and after your finals try again. Right now you need to focus on what is really going to effect your life, which is your grades/education. Yes, your girl is important, but right now, she is not in the supporting mood, so you need to take this in and analyze your situation to realilze that grades are more important than a "cold war" cat fight. Most likely she, as well as you, still care for one another... you are just both stressed out and ended up taking it out on each other. People take out the worst stress on those who are closest to them. So I predict everything will cool down after finals. Just keep yourself busy until then.

I hope this helps.
 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
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Originally posted by: Winchester
The best thing you can do right now is turn some music (easy listening piano/classical/soundtrack etc.) (this will get your mind on something else, its psychological) on low volume and try and go to sleep. There is nothing you can do tonight. Everyone is most likely stressed right now (that time of year) and anything is liable to piss someone off pretty bad even when it normally would not. Take your finals this week, give everyone time to cool off and after your finals try again. Right now you need to focus on what is really going to effect your life, which is your grades/education. Yes, your girl is important, but right now, she is not in the supporting mood, so you need to take this in and analyze your situation to realilze that grades are more important than a "cold war" cat fight. Most likely she, as well as you, still care for one another... you are just both stressed out and ended up taking it out on each other. People take out the worst stress on those who are closest to them. So I predict everything will cool down. I hope this helps.

Thank you... it did help. I've got music on... that's helping a bit.

In the back of my mind I know I need to study, but it' s not that I'm putting it off, I just plain old can't right now. You're right... I just need to calm myself down enough so that I can get some sleep soon and be ready for tomorrow.
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,303
15
81
Yeah, most of us have been there at some point in our lives, and when it happens, it's the worst possible feeling in the world (well, next to discovering that she cheated on you). But I agree with other posters who say that it's most likely temporary. Roll with it, and she'll open back up at some point. Once that happens, do something romantic.
 

Turkish

Lifer
May 26, 2003
15,549
1
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bah that sucks man...

was there anything in her life that she had trouble with? because even the worst breakup won't be that bad....
 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
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Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Yeah, most of us have been there at some point in our lives, and when it happens, it's the worst possible feeling in the world (well, next to discovering that she cheated on you). But I agree with other posters who say that it's most likely temporary. Roll with it, and she'll open back up at some point. Once that happens, do something romantic.

I hope so... but even if it is temporary, ... that thought doesn't help much right now. :(

I've never had to do anything romantic to keep her (not that we didn't do romantic things, but I mean it wasn't a requirement). We always just clicked as friends and then got together and found an even deeper connection... I guess, to say that I need to do something romantic to get her back implies that that connection has been broken... and that's what really has me upset right now.
 

beatmix01

Golden Member
Jun 22, 2001
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you can do some silly little exercises or something... physical activity will release seratonin and other endorphines that will make you feel better....

pushups
cruches

hell spin your arms around...

oh how long you been with her?
 

DigDug

Guest
Mar 21, 2002
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Hey kid, don't worry man - times will get better. ABout 5 years ago I too was crying at my desk days before a final because my then-girlfriend and I broke up. I laguh at myself now for feeling like it was the end of the world. But that's the wisdom that comes from age - you feel like the world sucks, because you don't know otherwise. BUT TRUST ME, there will be so many experiences in your life that will make this event seem laughable. SO many great times that you will have in the next year that you haven't occured yet.
YOu know deep down that you are strong enough to get through this - so count on that. Ignore this for now, and plug through to do well on your exam. Because although I can GUARANTEE you this feeling will go away, any repercussions from it, i.e. doing badly on a test wont! So what do you want to have? A constant reminder of this event every time oyu look at your report card, or to know that this was a purely productive learning experience that you'll be able to laugh at down the road??

 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
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Originally posted by: Xiety
bah that sucks man... was there anything in her life that she had trouble with? because even the worst breakup won't be that bad....

No... I can't really pin this on some other factor... it's my fault. I had it coming, I guess. She said earlier today she was stressed out with a few things, but normally when she's stressed she acts differently but she would never do anything this drastic -- i.e. she always has a high stress level, and it's never resulted in anything like this.

We're hard on each other sometimes... and yes, sometimes I'm hard on her. Today was one of those days. But we always manage to talk about it and work it out, even a few times we had really big fights we always called each other a few hours later and talked.
 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
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Originally posted by: beatmix01
you can do some silly little exercises or something... physical activity will release seratonin and other endorphines that will make you feel better.... pushups cruches hell spin your arms around... oh how long you been with her?

Good idea... and medically sound, too :) ... Maybe I'll do it to get me tired enough for bed (i.e. physically exhaust me and relax me, as you say)...

We've been together for a year and a half... I know it sounds like peanuts ("Ive been married for thirty years", etc.) but it really is enough to become very attached. We make dinner together every day, stay together every night... well... except tonight...

As you can imagine, if she's not here, my subconscious reminds me of it very frequently.
 

beatmix01

Golden Member
Jun 22, 2001
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yes thats another reason why its hard....


cause you guys do spend so much time together.... you always gotta make time for your bro's too

never ever let a woman get in between you and your boys..
 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
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Originally posted by: BlipBlop
Hey kid, don't worry man - times will get better. ABout 5 years ago I too was crying at my desk days before a final because my then-girlfriend and I broke up. I laguh at myself now for feeling like it was the end of the world. But that's the wisdom that comes from age - you feel like the world sucks, because you don't know otherwise. BUT TRUST ME, there will be so many experiences in your life that will make this event seem laughable. SO many great times that you will have in the next year that you haven't occured yet. YOu know deep down that you are strong enough to get through this - so count on that. Ignore this for now, and plug through to do well on your exam. Because although I can GUARANTEE you this feeling will go away, any repercussions from it, i.e. doing badly on a test wont! So what do you want to have? A constant reminder of this event every time oyu look at your report card, or to know that this was a purely productive learning experience that you'll be able to laugh at down the road??

Yes... must... not... mess.. up.. grades.

I like guarantees... it doesn't feel like it will go away at all. It's not a feeling, it's more like a new state of being (that, as you say, sucks)
 

IamElectro

Golden Member
Jul 15, 2003
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Give her some space and let her cool of man.

Theres an almost full moon. I know when its coming because my woman gets real grouchy a day before and a day after the full moon. Shes been grouchy all day and I look up tonight and tommorow is the full moon.


 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
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Originally posted by: IamElectro
Give her some space and let her cool of man. Theres an almost full moon. I know when its coming because my woman gets real grouchy a day before and a day after the full moon. Shes been grouchy all day and I look up tonight and tommorow is the full moon.

Heh, that's quite the habit you have there. I can't predict when mine, well, whatever she is now, I can't predict when she will get mad.

Thanks everyone for helping... you calmed me down a lot. Just know that your late night clicking at the keyboard really helped someone through something... I'm going to clear my bed of books and papers and rest.

I'll post again in the morning if anyone cares...
 

opticalmace

Golden Member
Oct 22, 2003
1,841
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She's probably just PMSing.
Especially if it was about something trivial.

Or:

Has she been angry in general lately (timespan being a few weeks or more)? At you?
That would be something more serious.
 

nan0bug

Banned
Apr 22, 2003
3,142
0
0
That sucks.

On the bright side, it is christmas time, and as lame as it sounds, girls really eat up the sentimental stuff and she isn't going to want to be alone for christmas, so chances are she's just stressed and used you as an outlet to blow off some steam. Give it a day or two to let you and her cool down, call her and ask her to meet you in a neutral place (not your place or hers) so you can try and work it out.

As much as I hate to say it, you've also got to realize that a statistically signifigant amount of women are evil, and that she might be up to no good behind your back (the fact that she decided to break up with you and not even talk to you about it right before christmas gives me a bad feeling). Or she might just like headgames. Either way, prepare for the worst.

If things go bad, try to remember that although she did you wrong, there are plenty of girls out there who like being treated like crap, so they're always available for you to take out your frustration on. There's also girls who carry analease in their purse (I met one of them last night at the bar, it was kinda scary but if thats your thing, I can confirm that they do exist). And of course, theres probbably girls who are more mature than your current one who are tired of head games and make-up-to-break-up BS....

My point is that there are so many women out there, it makes no sense to sit around feeling bad because ONE of them did you wrong, so lighten up and try to see the bright side in everything. Another qualude she be callin you in de morning mang.