-

[kassy]

and you suspect they've relapsed...
would you go for the:
a) the tough love approach - outta there until they get their sh*t together.
b) hope that its just a passing thing - head in the sand approach.
c) positive reinforcement - loving/supportive when they are straight and distant/cold when they are high.
And the reason for your choice...

 

[pyonir]

depends on if we are married and how long we've been together (married or not).

 

[Beau]

Have any already been tried?

 

[ATLien247]

A or C, depending on how frequently they've "relapsed" in the past...

 

[mpitts]

a) tough love

Get the hell out of my house. If you ignore it, you might as well condone it.

 

[Entity]

A. Unfortunately, I've seen too many cases of addiction go wrong, and the only time I've seen addicts get themselves help is when they realize they need it. As much as I love my SO, if that was the case, I'd have to give her the boot - I can't solve her problems for her.

Rob

 

[amnesiac]

Originally posted by: Entity
A. Unfortunately, I've seen too many cases of addiction go wrong, and the only time I've seen addicts get themselves help is when they realize they need it. As much as I love my SO, if that was the case, I'd have to give her the boot - I can't solve her problems for her.

Rob

Same here. I have no sympathy for people who have no respect for themselves or those around them. If my SO did that I'd be long gone.

 

[kassy]

Married - 3 years.

and yes option C is in place.

But I am also interested in general thoughts - what you would do in a similar situation.

 

[vi edit]

a)

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: kassy
and you suspect they've relapsed...
would you go for the:
a) the tough love approach - outta there until they get their sh*t together.
b) hope that its just a passing thing - head in the sand approach.
c) positive reinforcement - loving/supportive when they are straight and distant/cold when they are high.
And the reason for your choice...

There is no reputable source of advice on this matter that I'm aware of that would say anything other than "A"....

From my own experience "A" is the only option.

~~edit... BTW "A" will not necessarily save the relationship or the addict. That's not the point. The point is to save yourself from the other's insanity.... get out of the way of a moving truck before you get smooshed... that's the only rational solution.

 

[ATLien247]

Originally posted by: kassy
Married - 3 years.

and yes option C is in place.

But I am also interested in general thoughts - what you would do in a similar situation.

What kind of drug(s)?

 

[Electric Amish]

I'd have to go (A) as well....as much as it sucks.

amish

 

[kassy]

Originally posted by: Entity
A. Unfortunately, I've seen too many cases of addiction go wrong, and the only time I've seen addicts get themselves help is when they realize they need it. As much as I love my SO, if that was the case, I'd have to give her the boot - I can't solve her problems for her.

Rob

Yes, I understand your point.
I have already discovered the difficulties involved in trying to get help for someone who won't acknowledge that they have a problem.

What kind of drug(s)?

Prescription - muscle relaxants and the possibility of others.


EA - It does suck.. but I am beginning to think I may have no other option.

 

[Noriaki]

Sorry to hear that kassy...

I can't see myself doing anything other than A. There are way to many drug problems in my family (Mom, sorta Dad, a bunch of Uncles). I'm not going to put up with it from my S/O. Of course I wouldn't likely be seeing a drug addict, recovering or not. But if by some chance I was, it would be A. Hell I'd send her to stay with my mom (almost 2 years clean now, yay Mom!) or something.

I'm not going to just ignore, and passive aggression is pointless.

 

[pyonir]

If they won't admit they have a problem, your only solution is A.

 

[Azraele]

Ouch, tough situation.

I would erase option B altogether. If they've relasped, hoping that it's just a passing phase isn't realistic.

Is the person interested in rehab at all?

 

[Thegonagle]

Not B. It's not going to be a passing phase without help.

Good Luck.

 

[kassy]

Originally posted by: Azraele
Ouch, tough situation.

I would erase option B altogether. If they've relasped, hoping that it's just a passing phase isn't realistic.

Is the person interested in rehab at all?

Azraele - no, rehab isnt an option when they don't think they have a problem.
Noriaki - thank you... I must admit to feeling somewhat isolated at the moment.

 

[Vinny N]

depends on if we are married and how long we've been together (married or not).

pyonir...Thanks for clearing that up. I thought SO=Senior Officer. I thought this was a military thread



kassy:

d) depending degree of closeness, I think confrontation might be a viable option.

-I don't think just leaving is an option unless your commitment to the person was waivering to begin with.
-I don't think ignoring your significant other's problems is advisable
-That sounds incredibly harsh and I would only consider that if the confrontation flops entirely and/or your SO is in denial.

 

[kranky]

I presume that you have decided you cannot tolerate the addiction and still maintain the relationship? I'm not suggesting you should accept it, but your choices seem to be various forms of "it's either me or the drugs, you choose."

Option (c) is appealing, but it allows the addict to eat his cake and have it too, at his option. He can choose drugs when he wants, and when he wants you he can set the drugs aside for a while. It's like having a mistress and getting kicked out of the house until the affair is over, then being able to come back home like nothing happened. Not a real incentive to change.

Now, if you are convinced that he's making a real effort to stay clean, but just hasn't made it yet, it's worth the effort to help him reach his goal. It should be obvious whether or not he's serious about kicking the habit.

But if he doesn't see a problem with using, and you can't live with it, there's no good solution. He'll resent your ultimatum because he's OK with using.

 

[Hammer]

Sorry to hear about it kassy. The married thing make it more difficult, esp if there are kids involved (i don't know if there are). My first instinct would be to try to help them and option c. If that still didn't work If that didn't work I would start laying down ultimatums. If they wouldn't then consent to getting professional help, then I would leave.

 

[kassy]

Originally posted by: Vinny_N

depends on if we are married and how long we've been together (married or not).

pyonir...Thanks for clearing that up. I thought SO=Senior Officer. I thought this was a military thread



kassy:

d) depending degree of closeness, I think confrontation might be a viable option.

-I don't think just leaving is an option unless your commitment to the person was waivering to begin with.
-I don't think ignoring your significant other's problems is advisable
-That sounds incredibly harsh and I would only consider that if the confrontation flops entirely and/or your SO is in denial.

My commitment is not waivering.. I love my husband very much but I do not wish to enable him to continue on his path of self destruction. I would rather lose him to save him, if that makes sense.
I have tried confrontation, but the response is usually that its all in my head and that "IF" there are any signs of a relapse its because he has been taking too many tylenol.

 

[StageLeft]

A or C

 

[kassy]

Originally posted by: kranky
I presume that you have decided you cannot tolerate the addiction and still maintain the relationship? I'm not suggesting you should accept it, but your choices seem to be various forms of "it's either me or the drugs, you choose."

Option (c) is appealing, but it allows the addict to eat his cake and have it too, at his option. He can choose drugs when he wants, and when he wants you he can set the drugs aside for a while. It's like having a mistress and getting kicked out of the house until the affair is over, then being able to come back home like nothing happened. Not a real incentive to change.

Now, if you are convinced that he's making a real effort to stay clean, but just hasn't made it yet, it's worth the effort to help him reach his goal. It should be obvious whether or not he's serious about kicking the habit.

But if he doesn't see a problem with using, and you can't live with it, there's no good solution. He'll resent your ultimatum because he's OK with using.

kranky - my apologies if thats how it seems... I would do anything for him, I love him. I am just unsure of how to help him.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

n/m

staying out of this