22 things to never say to a cop...

[JEDIYoda]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

8. Bad cop! No donut!

9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?

12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

14. I pay your salary!

15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.

22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

 

[Soundmanred]

Email forwards/jokes belong in P&N.
Here's one from 2002: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...hings-not-say-cop-when-youre-pulled-over.html

 

[SaDiZTiKStyLeZ]

When I see the cops I swang on them boys.

 

[FDF12389]

These are older than me, not kidding.

 

[spacejamz]

COP: "Your eyes are red...Have you been drinking?
YOU: "Your eyes look glazed...Have you been eating donuts?"

 

[Gibson486]

Cop: Why are speeding?

You: Your daughter is waiting for me....

 

[SZLiao214]

How about, are you feeling lucky, punk?

 

[Vonkhan]

"nice boots officer, I didn't know that men could wear those too"

 

[Rockinacoustic]

What's the officer, problem?

 

[JulesMaximus]

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
You: Because I have pot in the glove compartment?

Cop: Sir, will you step out of the car please?
You: No, it's hot as hell out there, why don't you step in here, I have the A/C on.

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.

Living in Arizona I can say that statements like this do regularly happen. Nothing like getting pulled over and having a conversation about the merits of a particular gun/caliber.

 

[ViviTheMage]

wow, none of those are even funny.

 

[Paratus]

Courtesy of George Carlin:

You know how to handle a
ticket by now don't you?

You got to be firm with the policeman.

Be firm with that policeman.
Policemen respect strength.

While he's writing out the ticket you got a flash him a whole lot of bad looks.

Then when he's almost
finished writing reach over and grab the ticket out of his hand.

Tell him you're going to check it over for mistakes.

Then when you're finished reading it crumple it up and throw it at his feet and say,  Fuck you and you're ticket too!   You asshole in a hat. 

Can't you see I have enough garbage on the floor of
my car already without another worthless piece paper from the state?

I got 8 or 9 of them fuckin' things floating around in here.

Hey.  Don't I pay your salary?  

They like that when you're
interested in the state budget.

You're a public servant;  get me a glass of water.

You pinheaded prick! You're holding me up Jack. People are waiting for me at a party.

I got a trunk full of heroin.  Get the fuck out of my way will ya?

Tell him it's your car. Tell him it's your car and you do what you
goddamn want with it.

Say I own this car. My name is on
the pink slip. I do what I want and I own the highway too
that my taxes pay for that.

They're both mine.
I own the highway and I own the car. I own everything goddamn it.

He'll be glad to hear that shit.

That's what they like, people who know their rights.  That way they don't have to read them to you on the way downtown to the maximum security penitentiary where you'll spend
the rest of your life with no conjugal visits except from some big guy you don't want one from.

 

[xaeniac]

How about? "You are nothing but a rent-a-cop."

 

[JEDIYoda]

Email forwards/jokes belong in P&N.
Here's one from 2002: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...hings-not-say-cop-when-youre-pulled-over.html

Your a total idiot!!

I got these off a website!!

Sure there are probably different sites with the same 22 things not to say.....

actually this is the forum for jokes....
But you obviously have nothing to contribute so shush!!

 

[JEDIYoda]

wow, none of those are even funny.

of course we have to have the obligatory - none of those are very funny!!

 

[BurnItDwn]

Courtesy of George Carlin:

You know how to handle a
ticket by now don't you?

You got to be firm*with the policeman.

Be firm with*that policeman.
Policemen*respect strength.

While he's writing*out the ticket*you got a flash him a*whole lot of bad looks.

Then when he's almost
finished writing*reach over and grab the*ticket out of his hand.

Tell him you're going to*check it over for mistakes.

Then when you're*finished reading it*crumple it up and throw*it at his feet and say,**Fuck you and*you're ticket too! **You asshole in a hat.*

Can't you see I*have enough garbage*on the floor of
my car already*without another worthless*piece paper from the state?

I got 8 or 9 of*them fuckin' things*floating around in here.

Hey.**Don't I pay your salary? *

They like that when you're
interested in the state budget.

You're a public servant;**get me a glass of water.

You pinheaded prick! You're holding me up Jack.*People are waiting*for me at a party.

I got a trunk*full of heroin.**Get the fuck out*of my way will ya?

Tell him it's your car.*Tell him it's your car*and you do what you
goddamn want with it.

Say I own this car.*My name is on
the pink slip.*I do what I want*and I own the highway too
that my taxes pay for that.

They're both mine.
I own the highway*and I own the car.*I own everything*goddamn it.

He'll be glad to*hear that shit.

That's what they like,*people who know*their rights.**That way they don't have*to read them to you*on the way downtown*to the maximum*security penitentiary*where you'll spend
the rest of your life*with no*conjugal visits*except from some big guy*you don't want one from.

Yay threat saved by good ole George Carlin!!!

 

[ViviTheMage]

of course we have to have the obligatory - none of those are very funny!!

Usually one or two are OK out of these chaim mail threads, but none of them are. D:

 

[Elias824]

Yay threat saved by good ole George Carlin!!!

It sure did.

 

[dainthomas]

These are older than me, not kidding.

Probably older than the universe. In fact, I believe the big bang occurred when two of these lists in collided in alternate dimensions.

 

[Soundmanred]

Your a totsl idiot!!

Quoted for ironicity.

 

[JEDIYoda]

Usually one or two are OK out of these chaim mail threads, but none of them are. D:

http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=22...+a+cop&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&fr=yfp-t-941

again another idiot!!
I did not get these off of a Chain mail ...sheese....

 

[zinfamous]

Your a total idiot!!

I got these off a website!!

Sure there are probably different sites with the same 22 things not to say.....

actually this is the forum for jokes....
But you obviously have nothing to contribute so shush!!

whoa whoa whoa there, chief!

Are you sure you're tall enough to ride the internet?

 

[ahenkel]

Make sure to ask for tickets to the policeman's' ball