.

[SirChadwick]

delete, i've read enough... thanks for the great advice.

 

[Beev]

What are you, 12? Why the blue hell would you tell her to move out? Was that your way of threatening her to "win" the argument?

If you get into an argument with a woman you are always wrong.

 

[MichaelD]

You opened your fat mouth one time too many; isn't that obvious? Be careful what you wish for...you may just get it.

Why did you go out with your friends AND NOT TAKE HER TOO? THat's one problem right there.

You've got a broken heart, but you had a lot to do w/it. You can love someone very much, but not like them anymore. That's where you are, to her.

 

[40sTheme]

Originally posted by: Sraaz
What are you, 12? Why the blue hell would you tell her to move out?[/b]

Yeah, that's a pretty dick move on your part.

 

[leftyman]

I've lost my cool with her from time to time and told her to move out, but never did I really want her to. I've said things to her that I would take back in a heartbeat... but I've never done her any wrong.

 

[alm99]

You're immaturity is what made her leave

 

[Sinsear]

Reminds me of the old saying "think before you speak".

 

[hjo3]

I've lost my cool with her from time to time and told her to move out, but never did I really want her to.

That's more than "losing your cool." You make it sound like something little, something all couple do. It's not. Get therapy, anger management, something. Grow up.

 

[jjones]

Sounds like she's better off without you. I hope she finds someone else soon so she doesn't get tempted to go back.

 

[angminas]

Sorry OP, but it sounds like you need to learn how to treat a woman (or person, for that matter).

She moved to ATL to be with you - why do you leave her alone "again"? Apparently you already knew she hated that, but did it repeatedly anyway?

She seems to care about you - why do you tell her to move out "again"? Don't you know what that does to (especially) a woman?

You say hurtful things to her (and then act like it's no big deal), threaten her domestic stability (a BIG issue for most women), leave her alone in a city she doesn't know or like, then backpedal over and over again. From what you've said, she has little reason to trust you. It sounds like she is sacrificing a lot of her personal preferences to be with you, and she's just not getting the same back from you. Of course, I'm not there, and I don't see everything, take this for what it's worth. I'm not laboring under the illusion that I'm necessarily right.

How can you say hurtful things to her but then say you've never done her harm?

I'm sure she's done things too, but it sounds like the lion's share of the problem can be found in your bathroom mirror. More importantly, that's where you'll find the problems you can fix.

You should read His Needs, Her Needs and The Five Love Languages. I also recommend The Worrywart's Companion and How To Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding. Of course, The Bible is the best self-help book of all, but few read it, and few of them understand it. Read 1John, Matthew 5 through 7 ,and 1Corinthians 13 to get a basic idea of what Christian love is really about; pray humbly and fervently to God to forgive and help you.

If you seriously want to repair this relationship, you're going to need to focus on yourself. Not because you're Super Asshole and everything's your fault, but because you're out of touch with her needs and your own faults. Like pretty much every other man. Remember, love isn't about finding the right person, it's about being the right person. We're not born being great husbands- we have to learn it, and then apply what we've learned.

If you really love her and she really loves you, there's still a chance to save this. But you're going to have to own your mistakes first, or you're just prolonging the inevitable. Once again, I'm sure it's not all your fault, but if you're trying to save the relationship, that's irrelevant. It sounds like she is willing to go through a lot of crap to meet you well past the middle, and the only person you can improve is yourself. Best wishes!

 

[SirChadwick]

Originally posted by: angminas
Sorry OP, but it sounds like you need to learn how to treat a woman (or person, for that matter).

She moved to ATL to be with you - why do you leave her alone "again"? Apparently you already knew she hated that, but did it repeatedly anyway?

She seems to care about you - why do you tell her to move out "again"? Don't you know what that does to (especially) a woman?

You say hurtful things to her (and then act like it's no big deal), threaten her domestic stability (a BIG issue for most women), leave her alone in a city she doesn't know or like, then backpedal over and over again. From what you've said, she has little reason to trust you. It sounds like she is sacrificing a lot of her personal preferences to be with you, and she's just not getting the same back from you. Of course, I'm not there, and I don't see everything, take this for what it's worth. I'm not laboring under the illusion that I'm necessarily right.

How can you say hurtful things to her but then say you've never done her harm?

I'm sure she's done things too, but it sounds like the lion's share of the problem can be found in your bathroom mirror. More importantly, that's where you'll find the problems you can fix.

You should read His Needs, Her Needs and The Five Love Languages. I also recommend The Worrywart's Companion and How To Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding. Of course, The Bible is the best self-help book of all, but few read it, and few of them understand it. Read 1John, Matthew 5 through 7 ,and 1Corinthians 13 to get a basic idea of what Christian love is really about; pray humbly and fervently to God to forgive and help you.

If you seriously want to repair this relationship, you're going to need to focus on yourself. Not because you're Super Asshole and everything's your fault, but because you're out of touch with her needs and your own faults. Like pretty much every other man. Remember, love isn't about finding the right person, it's about being the right person. We're not born being great husbands- we have to learn it, and then apply what we've learned.

If you really love her and she really loves you, there's still a chance to save this. But you're going to have to own your mistakes first, or you're just prolonging the inevitable. Once again, I'm sure it's not all your fault, but if you're trying to save the relationship, that's irrelevant. It sounds like she is willing to go through a lot of crap to meet you well past the middle, and the only person you can improve is yourself. Best wishes!

Thank you so much! Finally a post that actually points me in the right direction. She still tells me she loves me... and she said she's so sorry she had to leave. I honestly do think there is hope and I'm going to do everything I can to work things out between us. I know I haven't been in the right, but I'm not a complete a-hole. I've supported her on my salary alone since she didn't have a job... but I know it's much deeper than that - I just need to be there for her unconditionally and I haven't done that. So thanks for opening my eyes. This one post alone was worth reading!

 

[rudder]

Originally posted by: SirChadwick
delete, i've read enough... thanks for the great advice.

Hey, that is what it is all about. Damn stinking good advice.