~2002 DARWIN AWARDS ~
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES:
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high
cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he
had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon
when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the
beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to
claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not
reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an
hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was
pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA,
as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his
skull as he hit the floor. [Ah, the diversity]
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC Cadet Nick Berrena,
20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,
23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak
vest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in
Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not
put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull
the trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles. (Go Canada!)
~DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS~
1. In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock and hit pal Antonio Martinez in
the head, fracturing his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,attempting to clean
out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ,
and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite
blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
~RUNNER UP~
(Drunken Stupor Award)
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from
the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said
Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's
just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
~AND THE WINNER! ~
PADERBORN, GERMANY -
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed
his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200
pounds of prime elephant dung! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the
relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he
struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him,
he lay under all that poop for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of
those freak accidents that happen."
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES:
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high
cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he
had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon
when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the
beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to
claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not
reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an
hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was
pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA,
as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his
skull as he hit the floor. [Ah, the diversity]
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC Cadet Nick Berrena,
20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,
23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak
vest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in
Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not
put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull
the trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles. (Go Canada!)
~DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS~
1. In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock and hit pal Antonio Martinez in
the head, fracturing his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,attempting to clean
out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ,
and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite
blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
~RUNNER UP~
(Drunken Stupor Award)
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from
the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said
Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's
just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
~AND THE WINNER! ~
PADERBORN, GERMANY -
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed
his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200
pounds of prime elephant dung! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the
relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he
struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him,
he lay under all that poop for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of
those freak accidents that happen."
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