- Jul 18, 2000
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20 Reasons Why OU will beat Texas, again
by Guerin Emig
There are many reasons you should bet your mortgage on Oklahoma to beat Texas Oct. 11.
Bob Stoops tops the list, followed closely by Mike Stoops. The problem is it?s almost tiresome to break down the Red River War by coaching superiority. Been there, done that in each of the last three lopsided years. That has become the easy way out.
So, we have compiled a list of reasons you won?t find many places. It?s not as comprehensive as any gameplan, and not nearly as based in pure football. But it should be worth a few yuks at the expense of some poor Texas Ex in the barstool next to yours on the West End Oct. 10.
Use what you want, just make sure you hoist a few on our behalf. And when you see the Ex on your way out of the Cotton Bowl, feel free to rub his snout in it.
The Longhorns will be on the short end Oct. 11 because...
1. You can?t spell ?Texas Longhorns? without ?loser,? as sure as you can?t spell ?Oklahoma Sooners? without ?honor.?
2. Number of first-team All-Americans who have played under Mack Brown at Texas: 9. Number of national championships won by Brown at Texas: 0.
Number of first-team All-Big 12 Conference honorees who have played under Brown at Texas: 18. Number of Big 12 championships won by Brown at Texas: 0.
3. According to Texas? media guide, Longhorn linebacker and reputed tough-guy Reed Boyd admits to watching ?Dream Homes? on the Home and Garden Channel.
4. Wait. It gets worse. Longhorn wide receiver Sloan Thomas watches ?Full House.?
5. He also wears burnt orange: Carrot Top.
6. The E.Z. Million Factor. E.Z. is the Norman eccentric whose claim to fame is leading a one-man charge to get the OU-Texas series out of Dallas and on the two campuses. The Longhorns won?t go for it as long Red River Weekend continues to pump a bazillion dollars into their state?s economy. And that?s just plain stupid. Make the Sooners travel to Austin every other year, the Longhorns might actually have a chance of winning every other game. There is a strong possibility they?ll carry a 23-game Darrell Royal-Memorial Stadium winning streak into this year?s OU encounter. Average margin of victory during that run? About 41-9.
7. Sooner wide receiver Brandon Jones is a football player who plays baseball as a hobby. Texas running back Cedric Benson is a baseball player who plays football as a hobby.
8. Desperation. The Longhorns are willing to try anything to reverse their recent Red River fortunes. This year, they?ve stumbled upon uniform changes. Fourteen Longhorns take the Cotton Bowl field Saturday wearing a different jersey number than a year ago. Too bad they can?t change the name of their team to ?Oklahoma State Cowboys.?
9. Texas wide receiver B.J. Johnson?s favorite song as a child was ?My Mind Is Playing Tricks on Me.? Sort of makes him an ideal foil for Sooner coaches.
10. You flash ?Hook ?Em Horns? with two fingers, not one. They?re No. 2 all right.
11. Texas cornerback Nathan Vasher is nicknamed ?ESPN3? because of his knack for making SportsCenter-type plays. Like this one: Vasher?s fair catch of a Sooner punt at his own 3-yard-line sealed his team?s fate in Red River ?01.
12. There?s nothing like a big ol? droopy steer standing on a patch of fake grass at one end of the Cotton Bowl to get a team fired up. Bevo, baby, you deserve better.
13. Longhorn middle linebacker Derrick Johnson says he cried before every Pee Wee football practice. Which makes it all right, one guesses, that he cries after every loss to OU.
14. Former Longhorn All-American Jerry Sisemore on Texas coach Mack Brown: ?Mack?s like the Darrell Royal of the 21st century.? Thus, we can expect a boiling-over-with-frustration Brown to accuse Stoops of rampant cheating any day now.
15. OU?s Roy Williams decided he was ready for pro football after single-handedly beating the Longhorns in ?01. Texas? Roy Williams decided he wasn?t quite ready for the NFL after single-handedly being caught and tackled by 290-pound defensive tackle Tommie Harris in last year?s loss to the Sooners.
16. Put Longhorn quarterback Chance Mock with former Texas offensive lineman Derrick Dockery, what have you got? A Mockery. Or what the Sooners are making of this once-two-sided series.
17. One thing the Longhorns could count on before the ?03 season: If nothing else, they could always outdraw their Red River rival. Current seating capacity at Royal-Memorial Stadium: 80,082. Current seating capacity at Owen Field: 81,207.
18. With a name like his, Texas? Dusty Mangum oughta be herding cattle, not kicking field goals.
19. He owns a box at Royal-Memorial Stadium: Matthew McConaughey, whose last halfway-decent movie came out about the last time the Longhorns beat OU.
20. Texas? marching band owns the largest bass drum in the world, weighing in at 500 pounds. Put that thing on your shoulders and you?ll know what the Longhorns feel like every time they walk down the Cotton Bowl tunnel.
by Guerin Emig
There are many reasons you should bet your mortgage on Oklahoma to beat Texas Oct. 11.
Bob Stoops tops the list, followed closely by Mike Stoops. The problem is it?s almost tiresome to break down the Red River War by coaching superiority. Been there, done that in each of the last three lopsided years. That has become the easy way out.
So, we have compiled a list of reasons you won?t find many places. It?s not as comprehensive as any gameplan, and not nearly as based in pure football. But it should be worth a few yuks at the expense of some poor Texas Ex in the barstool next to yours on the West End Oct. 10.
Use what you want, just make sure you hoist a few on our behalf. And when you see the Ex on your way out of the Cotton Bowl, feel free to rub his snout in it.
The Longhorns will be on the short end Oct. 11 because...
1. You can?t spell ?Texas Longhorns? without ?loser,? as sure as you can?t spell ?Oklahoma Sooners? without ?honor.?
2. Number of first-team All-Americans who have played under Mack Brown at Texas: 9. Number of national championships won by Brown at Texas: 0.
Number of first-team All-Big 12 Conference honorees who have played under Brown at Texas: 18. Number of Big 12 championships won by Brown at Texas: 0.
3. According to Texas? media guide, Longhorn linebacker and reputed tough-guy Reed Boyd admits to watching ?Dream Homes? on the Home and Garden Channel.
4. Wait. It gets worse. Longhorn wide receiver Sloan Thomas watches ?Full House.?
5. He also wears burnt orange: Carrot Top.
6. The E.Z. Million Factor. E.Z. is the Norman eccentric whose claim to fame is leading a one-man charge to get the OU-Texas series out of Dallas and on the two campuses. The Longhorns won?t go for it as long Red River Weekend continues to pump a bazillion dollars into their state?s economy. And that?s just plain stupid. Make the Sooners travel to Austin every other year, the Longhorns might actually have a chance of winning every other game. There is a strong possibility they?ll carry a 23-game Darrell Royal-Memorial Stadium winning streak into this year?s OU encounter. Average margin of victory during that run? About 41-9.
7. Sooner wide receiver Brandon Jones is a football player who plays baseball as a hobby. Texas running back Cedric Benson is a baseball player who plays football as a hobby.
8. Desperation. The Longhorns are willing to try anything to reverse their recent Red River fortunes. This year, they?ve stumbled upon uniform changes. Fourteen Longhorns take the Cotton Bowl field Saturday wearing a different jersey number than a year ago. Too bad they can?t change the name of their team to ?Oklahoma State Cowboys.?
9. Texas wide receiver B.J. Johnson?s favorite song as a child was ?My Mind Is Playing Tricks on Me.? Sort of makes him an ideal foil for Sooner coaches.
10. You flash ?Hook ?Em Horns? with two fingers, not one. They?re No. 2 all right.
11. Texas cornerback Nathan Vasher is nicknamed ?ESPN3? because of his knack for making SportsCenter-type plays. Like this one: Vasher?s fair catch of a Sooner punt at his own 3-yard-line sealed his team?s fate in Red River ?01.
12. There?s nothing like a big ol? droopy steer standing on a patch of fake grass at one end of the Cotton Bowl to get a team fired up. Bevo, baby, you deserve better.
13. Longhorn middle linebacker Derrick Johnson says he cried before every Pee Wee football practice. Which makes it all right, one guesses, that he cries after every loss to OU.
14. Former Longhorn All-American Jerry Sisemore on Texas coach Mack Brown: ?Mack?s like the Darrell Royal of the 21st century.? Thus, we can expect a boiling-over-with-frustration Brown to accuse Stoops of rampant cheating any day now.
15. OU?s Roy Williams decided he was ready for pro football after single-handedly beating the Longhorns in ?01. Texas? Roy Williams decided he wasn?t quite ready for the NFL after single-handedly being caught and tackled by 290-pound defensive tackle Tommie Harris in last year?s loss to the Sooners.
16. Put Longhorn quarterback Chance Mock with former Texas offensive lineman Derrick Dockery, what have you got? A Mockery. Or what the Sooners are making of this once-two-sided series.
17. One thing the Longhorns could count on before the ?03 season: If nothing else, they could always outdraw their Red River rival. Current seating capacity at Royal-Memorial Stadium: 80,082. Current seating capacity at Owen Field: 81,207.
18. With a name like his, Texas? Dusty Mangum oughta be herding cattle, not kicking field goals.
19. He owns a box at Royal-Memorial Stadium: Matthew McConaughey, whose last halfway-decent movie came out about the last time the Longhorns beat OU.
20. Texas? marching band owns the largest bass drum in the world, weighing in at 500 pounds. Put that thing on your shoulders and you?ll know what the Longhorns feel like every time they walk down the Cotton Bowl tunnel.
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