- Oct 11, 2000
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16 Steps To Getting Chicks
Step One: Drink beer... drink excessive amounts of beer before chicks arrive. You'll not only look suave, you'll also be more apt to NOT BE A DORK!
Step Two: Dress yourself appropriately [you might want to do this before step one].
Step Three: Strategically position yourself. Where? Whether your at a bar or managed to get yourself invited to a private party, anywhere close to points of traffic are the best. A doorway, ladies' room, or source of alcohol [where the keg is] are good places to start.
Step Four: Identify target [hot chicks in case you forgot].
Step Five: Continue massive intake of beer.
Step Six: Puke your guts out [preferably in private]. The trick is to have drunken enough beer to remain blasted without feeling nauseated!
Step Seven: Offer target a drink [whatever you think they'll accept; beer, wine coolers, even Zima].
Step Eight: Try to act like a gentlemen, be polite, and lie, lie, lie like you've never lied before.
Step Nine: Now that you have established yourself as a "ladies man", it's time for your advance; identifying and moving in on girls that look interested in other guys [the hot chicks got swooped up while you were puking up all that beer you drank, remember?]. There are several procedures for making this move; dancing [we mean grinding, not flailing like an idiot... the Humpty Dance is dead], playing dead [if she knows CPR], or being the cool dude to suggest playing a drinking game [which you will of course win because you already emptied your gut]. Whatever route you pick, you must succeed in thwarting your opponents every move.
Step Ten: Tell her she's special, that you care, you like her hair, you like her shoes, and all that other crap.
Step Eleven: Repeat steps 1-10 with every hot chick in the room.
Step Twelve: It is now time to narrow your choices and select your mark!
Step Thirteen: Bring mark to an isolated area [not your room yet]. Secluded hallways or restaurant bathrooms can work well. Gather personal data. It's imperative [important] to show interest and keep the beer and bullshit flowing.
Step Fourteen: Determine the location of the night's continuing events. If it's early (before 2:30) it has to be her place. This gives them a level of comfort that will ultimately speed the process along. After 2:30, she wants it and will go anywhere and do just about anything. If it is her place, never invite yourself in. During the inevitable goodnight kiss, work your magic [make her horny] until she begs YOU to come in!
Step Fifteen: Seal the deal.
Step Sixteen: Defensive maneuvers. When you girlfriend asks what you did last night do the following three things: Lie, deny, make counter accusations, and never [we mean NEVER] admit to ANYTHING! ***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: PER OUR CONVERSATION TONIGHT, #16 IN NO WAY APPLIES TO ME, JUST THOSE OTHER GUYS***
Step One: Drink beer... drink excessive amounts of beer before chicks arrive. You'll not only look suave, you'll also be more apt to NOT BE A DORK!
Step Two: Dress yourself appropriately [you might want to do this before step one].
Step Three: Strategically position yourself. Where? Whether your at a bar or managed to get yourself invited to a private party, anywhere close to points of traffic are the best. A doorway, ladies' room, or source of alcohol [where the keg is] are good places to start.
Step Four: Identify target [hot chicks in case you forgot].
Step Five: Continue massive intake of beer.
Step Six: Puke your guts out [preferably in private]. The trick is to have drunken enough beer to remain blasted without feeling nauseated!
Step Seven: Offer target a drink [whatever you think they'll accept; beer, wine coolers, even Zima].
Step Eight: Try to act like a gentlemen, be polite, and lie, lie, lie like you've never lied before.
Step Nine: Now that you have established yourself as a "ladies man", it's time for your advance; identifying and moving in on girls that look interested in other guys [the hot chicks got swooped up while you were puking up all that beer you drank, remember?]. There are several procedures for making this move; dancing [we mean grinding, not flailing like an idiot... the Humpty Dance is dead], playing dead [if she knows CPR], or being the cool dude to suggest playing a drinking game [which you will of course win because you already emptied your gut]. Whatever route you pick, you must succeed in thwarting your opponents every move.
Step Ten: Tell her she's special, that you care, you like her hair, you like her shoes, and all that other crap.
Step Eleven: Repeat steps 1-10 with every hot chick in the room.
Step Twelve: It is now time to narrow your choices and select your mark!
Step Thirteen: Bring mark to an isolated area [not your room yet]. Secluded hallways or restaurant bathrooms can work well. Gather personal data. It's imperative [important] to show interest and keep the beer and bullshit flowing.
Step Fourteen: Determine the location of the night's continuing events. If it's early (before 2:30) it has to be her place. This gives them a level of comfort that will ultimately speed the process along. After 2:30, she wants it and will go anywhere and do just about anything. If it is her place, never invite yourself in. During the inevitable goodnight kiss, work your magic [make her horny] until she begs YOU to come in!
Step Fifteen: Seal the deal.
Step Sixteen: Defensive maneuvers. When you girlfriend asks what you did last night do the following three things: Lie, deny, make counter accusations, and never [we mean NEVER] admit to ANYTHING! ***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: PER OUR CONVERSATION TONIGHT, #16 IN NO WAY APPLIES TO ME, JUST THOSE OTHER GUYS***
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