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[SaigonK]

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[SaigonK]

Anyone ? ?

 

[GoingUp]

I guess my advice would be to go out and just have a good time. Dont look at her as a potential wife.... just go out to have fun

 

[SaigonK]

Originally posted by: Gobadgrs
I guess my advice would be to go out and just have a good time. Dont look at her as a potential wife.... just go out to have fun

Thats what I was thinking...just someone to have fun with! The problem i have is that i dont know what to say or do any more..it has been about 14 years since I have had to go out on a date!

 

[Compudork]

Two words: Be yourself!!! It doesn't matter how well it goes if you put up some sort of front, if it is meant to go somewhere, then it will go smoothly if you simply follow your gut. That way, if it doesn't go well, then hey, nothing lost, nothing gained! Just approach it like a night out with a firend, then later down the road if it goes somewhere, then great, but at least for now there is no need to put pressure on yourself.

 

[Compudork]

whoops!! double post.

 

[minendo]

His wife thinks she is pretty, smart and that she would be allot of fun

Translation: She is fat.

 

[StageLeft]

I think they are the same as they always were, except now you can actually drive yourself Movie, dinner, etc. standard lame boring stuff, and then maybe somebody's home after for a little action

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: minendo

His wife thinks she is pretty, smart and that she would be allot of fun

Translation: She is fat.

I would much rather here what HE has to say about her, not you. And "pretty" can mean a whole hell of a lot of things. I don't use the word loosely, but I've heard many women call another "very pretty" even if she's a heffer. Or "Wow, what a beautiful face she has", when in fact she's still a heffer!

 

[ragazzo]

yeah, what they said.

 

[GoingUp]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Originally posted by: minendo

His wife thinks she is pretty, smart and that she would be allot of fun

Translation: She is fat.

I would much rather here what HE has to say about her, not you. And "pretty" can mean a whole hell of a lot of things. I don't use the word loosely, but I've heard many women call another "very pretty" even if she's a heffer. Or "Wow, what a beautiful face she has", when in fact she's still a heffer!

LMAO. I love you Shmabbles!

 

[flot]

Hah, Saigon, you are definitely worrying about this too much. And last I checked, 34 was still not-that-unreasonable of an age to be dating. But you need to set yourself up for this to go well, so for your first date choose something where you can both relax and not have too much pressure. If you can pull it off, come up with something where you can be social and have fun, but where you WON'T end up staring at each other blankly for hours... IE going to a movie isn't social enough, but going somewhere for a long quiet dinner would be a bad idea. And don't put yourself in any situation where you wouldn't be comfortable alone, much less there with someone you don't really know.

It's really not that big a deal.. plus you'll have the added benefit that your friends can prep you/her about each other a bit.. it's totally fair to let THEM know that you're all freaked out because you haven't dated in so long.. and it's also fair to let the GIRL know this - just make sure you bring it up in a "ha ha this is funny I haven't been on a date in forever" sort of way and whatever you do, DON'T DWELL ON IT. It can be a funny thing to mention and chat about lightly, but you definitely don't want to end up pouring your heart out to this girl or anything.

Edit: of course, there's always the old standby, 4 or 5 drinks apiece and you'll find out real fast whether or not the two of you were meant to be.

 

[bleeb]

The whole dating situation is probably still the same for your generation. Dinner, dancing, movie or walks, or whatever.... ask your friends to suggest places to go and do.

 

[conjur]

Whatever you do, do NOT talk about the divorce or your ex. Talk about where you're heading, what your new plans are etc.

 

[stormbv]

Originally posted by: SaigonK
So as some may know (or not) I am getting a divorce.
It has been months now and I have obviously been looking at everything that walks by me and is female.

Went to a friends house and his wife asked me how I was doing, I said just fine and that things were going to be fine for me.
My bud tells her to just ask me...and I am thinking ask me what ? ? So she asks if I would be ready or willing to go out on a date with someone...

i was kind of stumped, they both know my wife, but they know and like me more. Anywho!
My question is how the heck do you do dates nowadays? I used to remember but now i just do not....she is a couple of years older than me (im 34 and they said she was like 36 or 37.)
His wife thinks she is pretty, smart and that she would be allot of fun...which would be nice right now.


I just dont think i know how to act in this type of situation..anyone care for some pointers? And I dont mean flamed out, kid spawned ones, I would like some info from people who may be divorced, seperated or broken up with a significant other and have moved on..how did you act on your first date out? Was it a horror story or did it go well?


Flame away....

Don't go in there thinking that this is an interview for a possible relationship that possibly could turn serious and possibly turn into marriage. I think there is no better lesson learned in life than self-reliance, I think that's a good thing that can be taken from the bitterness of divorce.

 

[alkemyst]

It was another date. I didn't vent on and on about my ex...I wasn't looking for the next wife or bitterly looking for the next ex.

I had a couple sex only flings and a couple fun g/f's that didn't lead to the bedroom and some dismal dates that barely got through dinner.

We were also both dating during our divorce as it was over and that was that. We weren't happy about that fact, but we were both realistic about it.

I ended up meeting my next 'live in' about 3 years later after taking a couple years off and not really dating much during that time. A few more live ins and a lot more 'dates/flings' and now I am married again, about 7 years since my divorce.

Two things of advice, assuming you are young before things get serious you will want to mention you were married once....some take this as terrible and you must be 'damaged'

Second is after that don't bring 'her' up again unless the other person wants to know a little about it...if so keep it general.

You don't want to say you were never in love with her, or the sex was always terrible, etc....that just shows the new girl you got freaking owned/were weak.

My story was we were in love and had a great love life, she broke her neck and changed. Physically she healed fine with just a couple minor scars, but mentally she was totally different and not compatible with me so we both tried to work it out, but realized divorce was the only solution. end of story. Do I see her still? no (if you are childless that should be the answer except in severely rare circumstances), yes, I do for my children (if you have kids, it's immature to think differently and the new woman shouldn't even be worried about anything as long as you can tell her your not sleeping together still .... if you are don't lie about it, just let her know that you are not looking for monogamy with anyone at the time and don't detail who is the other partner(s)).

Å

 

[KarenMarie]

Do not go on and on and on about your soon to be ex.

Be confident but not cockey. Women get turned off by a guy who seems desperate, but dont want a snob either. Just relax, open her doors, light her cigarettes and don't stutter!

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: flot
And last I checked, 34 was still not-that-unreasonable of an age to be dating.

Last *I* checked, there was NO unreasonable age to be dating. Who cares if you're even 50 or 60 years old, are you not allowed to enjoy the company of the opposite sex at those ages? (Or hell, even the same sex, if you swing that way..)

Like others have said, the secret is to simply relax and take the situation as it comes, letting your own natural charm and personality shine through. Do not discuss the old relationship or the ex, nobody on a date with you will want to hear that. Try to do things together that allow you to talk and get to know each other. Go to dinner, go dancing, go have some drinks, go see local places of interest. Once you know her a bit better, you'll be able to come up with more and better ideas that match the interests of the both of you.

Good luck and have fun!

 

[AnyMal]

Relax and have fun. Don't think about it too much.

 

[SaigonK]

Thanks for the tips guys, all things I knew but just wasnt sure about.

My friends wife is going to get a picture of her before we go out, I think she has seen one of me from a Xmas party we had earlier in the year. She may have even been at their Xmas party last year if I remember correctly.
If it is the girl I think it is (and I am pretty sure it is) she was pretty, and easy to talk to (then anyway) so we shall see how it goes.

The nice part is that his wife asked me how I felt about it, rather than have me show up and this woman is there expecting something and I am thinking who is this?

They have offered to go out with us so we dont have to be alone staring at each other over dinner, probably go to a little restaurant/bar here in town to eat dinner, etc.
My little sister and her boyfriend jumped at the oppurtunity to go as well...though I think that is my sister ebing protective.

I will let you guys know how it turns out, I most likely wont be going out with her for another week, I have the kids this weekend as my responsibility, so I dont want to arrange anything during our time.

 

[TekChik]

OK...you need some female input here:

I'm divorced and 33, so I'm close to where you are (although i've been divorced for a while, so i'm getting pretty good at the dating thing).

Anyway, the key thing to do is - ask her LOTS of questions about HER...if you like her, show interest by being interested in what she has to say. that's the very best way i know to have a date flow well. my pet peeve is guys who either sit there and don't say ANYTHING, or who only want to talk about themselves. if she likes you, she'll ask the same questions back and then...omg...you'll have a CONVERSATION!

examples of awesome questions are:
- so what do you do? (and don't be satisfied with "i'm in sales"...do some digging...ask her relevant follow-up questions - i.e. 'what do you sell?', 'how long have you been doing that?', 'do you like it?', etc, etc)
- what do you like to do when you're not working? (again, follow-up questions are the key...AND, it's a great way to learn about hobbies or things you don't know much about)
- where are you from? if she's not originally from that area, ask things like how long she's been there, where did she grow up, what brought her here, etc...
- ask about her family - does she have siblings? is she oldest/youngest? families can be touchy subjects, so if it appears she doesn't want to talk about her family, dont press.
- ask if she has pets, what her favorite foods/music/types of places are

the previously mentioned (in other posts) things NOT to talk about are good points, too.

i dont know if you chat w/people on the internet, but these are all things you'd talk about in chat when getting to know someone. if you don't, it couldn't hurt to go practice on random chicks on the 'net and see how they respond...LOL.

hope that helps and welcome to the world of 30-something dating

-TekChik

 

[JackDawkins]

^ What she said ^

Ask questions and pretend you're captivated by her answers. Keep pretending interest as long as you can and, if you do this well enough, you get to have sex and then do it all over again in the near future.

 

[Budmantom]

Originally posted by: flot
Hah, Saigon, you are definitely worrying about this too much. And last I checked, 34 was still not-that-unreasonable of an age to be dating. But you need to set yourself up for this to go well, so for your first date choose something where you can both relax and not have too much pressure. If you can pull it off, come up with something where you can be social and have fun, but where you WON'T end up staring at each other blankly for hours... IE going to a movie isn't social enough, but going somewhere for a long quiet dinner would be a bad idea. And don't put yourself in any situation where you wouldn't be comfortable alone, much less there with someone you don't really know.

It's really not that big a deal.. plus you'll have the added benefit that your friends can prep you/her about each other a bit.. it's totally fair to let THEM know that you're all freaked out because you haven't dated in so long.. and it's also fair to let the GIRL know this - just make sure you bring it up in a "ha ha this is funny I haven't been on a date in forever" sort of way and whatever you do, DON'T DWELL ON IT. It can be a funny thing to mention and chat about lightly, but you definitely don't want to end up pouring your heart out to this girl or anything.

Edit: of course, there's always the old standby, 4 or 5 drinks apiece and you'll find out real fast whether or not the two of you were meant to be.

 

[SaigonK]

Thanks for the female approach! She emailed me yesterday, so it took me all day to email back, she really told me a bunch of stuff, I was just trying to be conservative.
I think we will end up going out next Tuesday or maybe on the weekend.

It is just wierd to do this after so long, I am sure I will remember what it is like once it begins.
It isnt like she is "the one to replace" but I want to make sure I am not messing up from moment one.

 

[badmouse]

Of course it's going to be strange, don't freak out trying to make it "normal."

Sure, you can try and relax and have a good time, but it really isn't relaxing, is it?

You might want to look at the first "date" as a business meal, if that's something you do a lot - then, if things feel right, the second time out can be your real first date. It makes it easier to break the ice.

Good luck!