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    MD Surplus on E-Bay

    I have the 11PM news on and the Comptroller of Maryland announced that starting tomorrow, the state of Maryland will be auctioning off excess property on E-Bay...things that have been unclaimed (ike property, property in safety deposit boxes, etc.) Get your credit cards ready...LOL
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    Final Exams

    IN HONOR OF THE ATOT COLLEGE STUDENTS... Here are ways that college professors grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them...
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    White Lie Cake

    Alice was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair...
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    Outhouse Confession

    Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. For bathroom facilities, they had to use an outhouse. The little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day...
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    Noah's Ark Found?

    Noah's Ark? For Real By Brannon S. Howse Worldview Weekend Exclusive http://www.worldviewweekend.com/secure/cwnetwork/article.php?&ArticleID=813 Article is copywritten so you will have to go read it for yourself.
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    This is my story and I'm sticking to it...

    We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So...I'm not fat...I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more - so it started filling up the rest of me!
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    What he says and what he means...

    "I'm going fishing." Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "It's a guy thing." Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."...
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    TOP 10 WAYS TO INTIMIDATE YOUR DAUGHTER'S DATE WHEN HE COMES TO PICK HER UP

    10. Sprinkle some dust on your daughter before she leaves. Explain, "It makes fingerprinting easier." 9. Challenge him at arm wrestling. 8. Introduce him to your good friend Chuck Norris. 7. Walk on stilts. 6. Casually show him your collection of five shrunken heads, then yell up...
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    LOFT

    Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says, "Loft." The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro "What did I do wrong?" The pro says...
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    Bounce This Along

    1. All this time you've just been putting Bounce in the dryer! It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them. It also repels mice and yellow jackets. 2. Spread sheets around foundation areas, or in trailers, or cars that are sitting and it keeps mice from entering your vehicle...
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    UNBELIEVABLE MATH PROBLEM

    1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head) 2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code) 3. Multiply by 80 4. Add 1 5. Multiply by 250 6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number 7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again...
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    Catholic Gasoline

    Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only...
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    IT Memo

    IMPORTANT I.T. MEMO Since our Information Technology expenditures have risen dramatically, the corporate office has defined a low-cost alternative to computers. The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by June 2006. Instead everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There...
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    Sometimes if pays to be old...

    No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school...
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    A Woman Who Reads

    One morning, a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take their boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and takes out her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up...
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    Old Age

    While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about...
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    The Heist

    Whatever happened to this show? I know that it was time-limited...leading up to the big burglary. However, I watched it every week and then all of sudden...NOTHING! Did I miss the last episode or is it resuming in the fall?
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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that...
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    Just a Weeee Bit...

    "An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman. Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous...
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    Donkey for Sale

    A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my...
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    A Fairy Tale for Women

    Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I...
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    If I Were A Car...

    If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it...
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    Grandma in Court

    Lawyers should never ask a Southern Grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern Small-Town Prosecuting Attorney called his first witness. A grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She...
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    YOU KNOW YOU'RE REALLY A MOM WHEN...

    YOU KNOW YOU'RE REALLY A MOM WHEN... ~ You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal. ~ You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry. ~ You have time to shave only one leg at a time. ~ You hide in...
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    Making Bets

    An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said , she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right)...
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    Snapdragons

    I have now entered the snapdragon part of my life... Part of me has snapped... and the rest of me is draggin'! :Q
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    Two Robins

    Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more. "I'm so full, I don't...
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    Dining Out

    A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drink right after we...
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    How Long Before I Can Get a Haircut?

    A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a...
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    A lesson to be learned from one typing the wrong email address!

    A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left...
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    Office Hours

    "So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented...
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    My New Diet

    After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite donut shop. I accidentally drove by the shop this morning and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies, cookies, and fresh donuts. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed: "Lord, it's up to...
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    Which part of the hollow chocolate bunny do you eat first?

    I know many people start chomping on the ears...I know my mother does! LOL